With recent current events, people in my life are suddenly interested in separating themselves from big tech. This is wonderful in my opinion, and also easy. I see the sentiment often that there is nothing you can really do. If you switch off facebook, whatever you switch to could become just as bad down the line. This is not the case.
The issue you are having is centralization. When one person, or one company, controls the entire project, then that project could at any time decide to become purely profit motivated and harm it’s users. With big tech companies, they are pretty transparent about this profit motivation, and harm their users all the time, so you are used to this.
For messaging, there are a number of options which will always be valid because they are inherently decentralized, meaning no one individual has control over the whole project. There are also options which are not decentralized, but are just built around strongly protecting privacy, and that alone would be better than what you have going on now.
Signal
Signal, and the associated Signal protocol, is the most secure mainstream way to do messaging. The Signal Protocol has been reviewed by TONS of security researchers, and has become the standard for end to end encrypted messaging for companies that truly care about privacy. Signal’s app and protocol are both fully open source as well, meaning all the code is available for you to read and edit. This means that if Signal Messenger LLC decides to do something you do not like with their app, then you can simply edit their app and remove that thing. Signal has been subpoenaed for their data on users multiple times, and all they can give is the date the account was created and the last time it was used. That is all they collect.
Signal is still centralized though. One company still has the ability to decide what happens to signal, and that means things could go terribly wrong with the official app. You could of course “fork” signal and edit the code to solve that issue, and realistically someone else will do that for you, but when you edit the app to use servers other than the official signal servers, e.g. your own servers, you can no longer message anyone outside of your own servers. This means signal is not a great option if you want something decentralized.
Decentralized options
Matrix
I think that matrix is the best answer for decentralized messaging.
Matrix works a lot like email. You know how if im tommymcelroy @ gmail.com, I can send an email to jacobjackson@ yahoo.com, or sallysue @ outlook.com ? This is because email is inherently decentralized. Only the people running yahoo.com can read jacobjackson’s emails. Only the people running outlook.com can read sallysue’s messages. gmail.com cannot read messages stored anywhere other than gmail.com. This means that if gmail decides to do something terrible, yahoo users are unaffected.
With Matrix, you have the same idea. I could be @tommymcelroy:matrix.org, and you could be @sallysue:beeper.com, and we could message. I can also run my own homeserver ( and i have wanted to for a while, and have the infrastructure to ), and then I can message you as @tommymcelroy:tommyhost.ing. If I am running my own server, nothing the Matrix Organization does can possibly effect me. If they make a change I do not like I can simply not update the server. No one using my homeserver would be effected. Anyone using my homeserver has to trust me, because it is possible that I could edit the code on that server so I could read their messages, but again, everyone who cares can run their own server. It is not remarkably difficult, and can be done on any old pc you have lying around. Matrix is fully open source, as are most of the apps for it, so you can always go in and edit the code if something is done that you dislike. Matrix’s messaging protocol is also based off of the signal protocol and therefore plenty secure, but now independently maintained, so Signal has no influence over changes to Matrix’s encryption.
Matrix also has the concept of bridges, which I like a whole lot. People use tons of messaging apps, and downloading them all onto a new device is super annoying. Matrix bridges allow your matrix account to connect to your facebook, or instagram or discord etc, then send and receive messages. This means that matrix can be the only messaging app you use at all. It is for me. Of course, whatever platform you bridge onto can still read your messages, and there is no meaningful security gain there, but there is a huge convenience gain.
Simplex
SimpleX has the goal of perfect user privacy, and anonymity while also being fully decentralized and secure. Simplex does not even have user IDs. There is no equivalent to tommymcelroy @ gmail.com for simplex. With simplex, the only way you can message me is by scanning a qr code ( or link ) i generate. There is a unique QR code generated each time, so that qr code is never the same.
Simplex is also open source, and fully decentralized. You can also run your own servers, and still be able to message every user on any sever. It focuses heavily on security, and would be almost impossible to censor. A world government could not meaningfully block signal.
the simplex project is still a bit young, and has some rough edges because of that, but it looks like it is going in a really good direction. The only issue I have with it is that I do not know a single person who has downloaded simplex, so who am i gonna message on simplex? It is a bit more complicated to understand how simplex works in comparison to matrix, and it is definitely more targeted about privacy absolutists and activists. I think the convenience matrix offers makes matrix more worthwhile, but really that is a decision that is up to you.
Wrapping it up
Of course there are many other options, Session, Briar, XMPP, etc but those ( signal matrix and simplex ) are my three favorites. They dont have to be your three favorites. I strongly recommend you explore and do your own research. I also am entirely willing to run a matrix homeserver if you all want one.
I also strongly recommend you do this with topics OTHER THAN MESSAGING. There are open source, decentralized options for almost every major social media network.
Have a look at:
- pixelfed ( instagram / facebook alternative )
- mastodon ( twitter alternative )
- lemmy / kbin ( reddit alternative )
- Peertube ( youtube alternative )
or just do research on the social network of your choosing and find a “federated” ( meaning works like email ) alternative. The issue that all of these federated alternatives have is that they dont have enough users, and therefore they dont have enough content. Be the change that you wish to see. As more people go post on them, they will become better places to be.